Today I took our car to get the oil changed. We were a few thousand miles overdue. Ellie and I sat in the waiting area which smelled of stale coffee, enjoying the warmth and listening to the hum of the comedy on the TV. Ellie sat in my lap and we played. I tickled her and her giggles filled the empty room. I had this aching moment of never wanting to let go of those squishy little legs. An aching moment of thankfulness that I was holding my precious healthy baby and she was exuding pure joy. For those who have experienced loss – you know how quickly and unexpectedly it can come. I have experienced some loss and though it has made me fearful at times it has also brought an extreme value to moments in my life. I know what a privilege it is to experience a moment like I had with Ellie today – a moment free of pain and suffering.

My husband loves to play games. This morning he challenged me to an impromptu game of bananagrams – a challenge which I immediatly accepted. I had lost the last game we played so was a willing player in this challenge. My strategy is to play till I win and then refuse to play that game anymore. It may seem petty and small but it brings a small victory in a life where victories in game playing are few and far between. I lost today’s game of bananagrams so we will play again. However I won our last match of airhockey and it may have been our last match ever.