Dear Mom,
Sunday would have been your 57th birthday. I can hardly believe that it has been almost 8 years since you have been gone. You would have thought 57 was old I bet. I would have teased you about your age and we would have laughed. I spent some time reflecting on our last year together and honestly felt some horror at the memories and all that you went through. I don’t keep those memories on the surface to recall often so when I do remember the reality of it – it’s a little shocking even still. You suffered so patiently. I cried some tears remembering and as I wept my prayer was that I would not grieve foolishly – as those who have no hope. I miss you terribly and know I will until I see your face again – but I will see you again. I can’t wait! I love knowing that your questions are answered, your pain is no longer, you are free! I wait for these things but have such joy knowing you live in that place.
These days I’ve been snuggling Ellie to sleep for her nap and there is nothing like it. Her head on my chest, little ponytail tickling my chin, her little tan arms flopped over mine. Total relaxation, total peace, safe in her mama’s arms. I hold her and think of you and how you have always been that to me. A safe harbor to rest. Thank you for that. I love you so. Thats the one thing I always long to tell you, though I know you knew. Just a few more “whiles” till I see you.
love,
me
