He’s always healing us

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I soaked in every minute of it. From the early morning breakfast and coffee in bed with many precious notes written by little hands, to lounging on the couch and reading a book, uninterrupted, to working outside as a family. I wanted to freeze the moments.

The past year has brought a lot of loss in our family. My Grandpa passed away last October. A life fully and well lived. My Aunt passed away a few months later, so quickly, it felt unfair. A few months after that, my nephew died in a motorcycle accident. Tears drip as I write these words. It still feels like it can’t be real or true.

This Mother’s Day, more than ever, I felt the immense value and preciousness of the time I have with my people. This deep love brings such joy! Life is such a gift! Life is fleeting and not owned by us. Every breath is a gift.

This is my 15th Mother’s Day without a mom. I spent some time yesterday, just quiet with the Lord. He has been reminding me that the only way through grief is to sit with Him in it. He urged me to sit with Him, to remember Mom with Him. To cry with Him. To let Him speak into all of it. I did. I realized that the memories of Mom that come first are memories of her being sick. Those memories are so hard. Other memories came. Memories of getting up in the morning and having coffee with her. Memories of her laugh, and how she could make me laugh so hard.

Then I let Him speak into it all. He reminded me that her love is the foundation of who I am today. Though I can’t see her or call her, the way she loved and poured into me still sustains me. Her legacy lives through me. My kids are receiving pieces of what she poured into me. When they meet her they will feel like they already know her because of this.

His truth, His comfort, is the greatest I have ever known.

My Mom always had a barrel overflowing with beautiful flowers in the spring on our porch. Yesterday I drove down to Home Depot and meandered through the garden department carefully selecting colors. I brought home my purchases and Ellie and I planted them in a big planter. I felt His grace in it as Ellie worked with me, chatting away and her big brown eyes alive with excitement. “I just love gardening, Mom!” Now I have flowers on my porch, like my Mom.

Our God is our great Redeemer, bringing beauty from our ashes. His goodness is never-ending. He is my great Hope! This song by Steffany Gretzinger has been my anthem lately.

Confident

You’re always moving in the unseen
The breath You exhale sustaining me
Before I call You know my need
You’re always going before me

I’m confident Your faithfulness will see me through
My soul can rest
My righteousness is found in You
With every moment left
In every borrowed breath
Let this be true
That all my heart
For all my life belongs to You

Your laughter scatters my enemies
You give me joy for my mourning
You lift my head so I can see
All of Heaven surrounding me

I won’t win this battle
With the strength of my own hands
You’re the Mountain Mover and only You can
I won’t build my life on sinking sand
You’re my hope forever
The Rock where I stand

The Rock where I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

If you are carrying pain today, losses, grief, disappointment – He offers all of us this place – it’s in His arms where He holds us so tight, so safe. He sits with us, He listens, He cries. He speaks. When He speaks it changes things. He breathes life over us and gives us a place to heal. He’s always healing us.